I wasn't going to come to the forum today, but i'm not sitting well with this (due to my own mental health issues). People may choose not to interact with me anymore after I say this, but I want to risk that because I am confused as to why there is so much support for the idea of doing/saying whatever you want in circumstances where the support seeker is clearly hurt or distressed.

There are only about 2 times per month where this happens. I don't see encouragement for only responding with "there there"; in fact, it seems the opposite to me. I continually see people saying how they love this place because of the great feedback, advice, support, whatever. Everyone here tries to help, and it's all good, and I usually don't see complaints about people offering advice or different opinions. People are free to provide all sorts of diverse opinions, and that's one reason why I come here. And if they aren't well received, there is nothing wrong with a mild conflict or argument taking place, followed by things getting settled. That happens from time to time, but again, people are rarely censored here, which I personally favor.

But if things aren't settled, and someone gets distressed, what stands out to me is the 'okayness' with lack of acknowledging or respecting another's personal boundaries. I'll use an example of one of my situations as to not talk about other people who might have been recently affected.

I'm normally open to any and all opinions, but when I'm having panic attacks or other emotional distress, things affect me differently. And I will (try) be assertive about it. Not that i'm great about it, but some people aren't able to do that because they just haven't gotten to improving their interpersonal communication, lack of parenting issues not worked through in therapy yet, or whatever. Some people here who have been in therapy for 20 or so years, and some people who are even therapists, are often the ones who have the interpersonal skills. Don't forget, many here are new to therapy or much younger than others, so may have had less life experience (not always the case).

There was a thread I started where I was highly distressed and was seeking feedback. Someone started changing the direction of the thread, and I politely said thank you for the suggestions, but I don't want to discuss that. I want to discuss X aspect of my situation (it was the psychodynamic aspects basically). The person started going on an on that this is what I SHOULD be discussing, rather than what I wanted to discuss. I asked again-please, go discuss that on another thread, etc. The person insisted I was not looking at the situation correctly and was aggressive about it. Again, I understood the concepts the other person wanted to me to 'see', but I only wanted to talk about the psychodynamic concepts for my own reasons.

I blocked the person, but then the discussion was already out there, so others started talking about the subject the blocked person wanted to discuss rather than what I wanted to discuss, even though I explicitly pointed it out more than once. I got more distressed and ended up asking a moderator to delete the entire thread, which was a relief, but later made me really sad that I felt so unsafe because some don't understand what it means to respect another's boundaries.

It felt so controlling and violating to me that I started having annihilation anxiety (again due to my own issues). My abuse history includes people not recognizing me as a human being, but an object to control to meet their own needs, which is common with those who commit severe abuses. And I find when others are THAT controlling, totally disregarding my boundaries, they are not seeing me as a separate person (can be described as violating a persons boundaries). I started to get flashbacks of the other (sometimes it manifests as a monster due to pre-verbal content).

I'm not sure if the person crossed the "abusive" line, but abuse IS violating a person's boundaries. I set a clear boundary in my thread--that I did not want to talk about X and that I was highly distressed about the aggressiveness of wanting to control the topic of my thread. Again, my own issues. But regardless of my MH issues, it was a healthy boundary I was asserting. Not some ridiculously rigid boundary that I was adamant the responses should only be what 'I wanted to hear'.

Why is it okay to disregard or violate others' boundaries to satisfy the other persons' needs (to fix the person, to 'wake them up', to stop annoying them, to assert their opinion, etc.)? No one had to 'act as a therapist' or walk on eggshells; I was simply asserting my boundary and it was being totally disregarded in for the needs of the controlling person.

Why do some people feel they are ENTITLED to disregard and violate others' boundaries in the name of 'free speech'? This isn't a court room where the needs of the case trump your need to be safe.