I know that that the knife situation was bad, but I won't do that again. I don't think I could have even done anything to her. I really don't want to take meds as so far they made me feel like crap and gain a ton weight. My mom is trying everything possible in her terms (that means she is just praying) to help me and to keep me out of the hospital, and I told her that I am not going to go anyway. She wants to talk to my therapist at my appointment on Tuesday, but I want to cancel as I will not be going to it anyway. I will think about it and talk to my mom. The only problem with my pdoc is that he tell me to try something and then come back in 2-3 weeks, which is way too long, as usually it takes a few days for meds to take full effect on me because I am a light weight, and so far they such bad side effects I can't wait that long to go back, so I just gave up with that and stopped fighting the energy and now I feel great. My therapist doesn't really see it, as in our session, I am just jittery and talk fast, but not full on like at home. I know my family just wants to help me, but I don't know what to do for myself anymore.