I'm so sorry you are going through this. I have also had the thought of "I just wish someone would hospitalize me. I could be alone and free of all my daily worries and I could feel taken care of." I believe people with bipolar are fixers of things (even when our "fixing" ends up hurting our selves or others.) We are constantly trying to fix an injured mind, our emotions, and our relationships. It seems nice sometimes to have someone take care of us for a change (the hospital) but in general what it would take to get there is extreme, so we try to keep our heads up and continue trying to fix. You seem like an amazing person who deserves the world (and better friends!) I hope you feel better soon. Hang in there.