I´ve thought about my therapy experiences, when I was in therapy and after, when I´ve searched for a new T after being terminated/abandoned.

I live by myself, I have only one friend, my parents and other relatives live far away and it wouldn´t be easier if I lived somewhere nearer to them. I´m in no relationship and have never been and I´ve been unemployed for several years in a country where it´s hard even for recent graduates to get a job. I´ve already tried to do small things to improve my situation.

I see I was just naive to think a T could help me with this. What difference would it do by talking to someone once a week and then go home to a completely unfulfilling life. And please don´t advice me about sui groups and such, you don´t have to plan a suicide just because you think your life is bad.

Of course noone can change reality, high unemployment rates are a fact, being unemployed for several years most likely implies you´re never going to have a job. I think a T can make you feel a bit better in the moment when you speak to him/her but for me I would never make any practical changes to my life just by talking to a T.

I don´t believe in adapting to a T:s methods and to try to avoid conflicts with a T just to get their so called help. I don´t believe in hiding myself as if I am some kind of freak just because T:s act like I am. I don´t believe in telling my story over and over again to T:s who firstly prioritize their income and secondly the client.

I just know I´ve tried, I engaged, I was interested, I know I always acted respectfully and looked into several perspectives if I had some complaints or opinions about the T:s work. For me T:s are just someone who profit from other peoples misery. I don´t care if that makes me seem cynical, negative and so on. I can read about people who turned their misery into something good, but I´ll never believe that will happen to me. There´s nothing to do and perhaps faith in some way will let me out of all this.