I'm having so much trouble not cutting. I feel it inside of me...I do not want to resist but I must. I'll lose a lot if I cut. I can see and feel the razor cutting...that's all I can do is imagine it. It drives me crazy but the feeling is there.

I know it's wrong, but to me resisting is wrong! I can't bear the pain of my mother being dead and I can't bear the pain of being a severely abused woman! I hate my past...I am dying inside. I just want out...cutting is my only salvation.