Totally, completely understand where you're coming from. Every time I start a new job, or start school, or enter some new realm where there is going to be social interaction with a new group of people I think, "Maybe this time I'll find a group of people I click with!" But I never really do. I am clueless when it comes to people. I always think that I'm doing a fine job with a group only to find out that everyone has been hanging out without me, or that everyone has been pissed off at me for weeks for some offhanded remark I made, and I'm oblivious to the fact that any dynamic has changed. And forget about dating--I haven't gone on a date since this time two years ago (despite being on various dating sites since I've not actually had anyone contact me from those sites) and I've not had a real relationship since 2009. People tell me I'm beautiful, smart, funny, blah blah blah, that I'll find friends and relationships if I just stop looking so hard and all the cliche things people always say. But I'll tell you, I've not really been looking for several years and here I am, still alone. So that doesn't actually hold water. And the one actual friend I have (and the people in my life who aren't friends) thinks I'm rather negative about all of it, but at 36 years old, I've just come to realize that this is how things are for me. I don't know why. I'm doing something wrong, but I don't know what.

I try not to focus on needing anyone, and try to keep relationships with the opposite sex out of my mind completely, but every once in a while someone comes into my sites that I just really, really want to get to know. But I know that they'll never notice me, not in that way. And it makes me sad and self-conscious. And mad that I didn't have my guard up a little more.