Im going to try to write this is the least confusing way possible.

I was first abused at 3 until I was 7 by a female. As a teenager I was extremely over sexualized and did alot of stuff im not proud of. Some consensual some not. I grew up a catholic, a major one, my mom is close to fanatic, everything is pray for this pray for that.

Thought I'm in therapy, I feel extremely guilty and ashamed. I hate goin to church cuz i feel unclean, i cant pray or have a relationship with God. Being a victim of homosexual abuse I feel like i've committed a mortal sin. Anything that happens to my family I feel is my fault because I don't pray like I should be doin. But attempting to pray brings indescribable shame, guilt and embarrassment.

I keep asking God to save me, heal me like everyone claims He does. But I guess i dont feel worthy. How do I come close to God and convince myself that I'm worthy of His love. How do I realize that the sins of my abusers are not my own?

Hope I'm posting the right place......really need some help with this