I'm going to look at this from a different angle.

I love my estranged father and I needed him so badly. I wanted to spend time with him, be there with him on holidays and just be able to ask his advice and get his thoughts on things. I wanted him to be proud of me, and involved in my life. I needed to be able to tell him I was scared, and that I was happy, and see him smile or have him hug me.

I have been estranged from my father since I was a teenager, he has been gone half my life, and I miss him. You don't get over losing a parent and when he nearly died because of a thing that happened, well, let's just say I will never be over that event, either.

Every child needs their parents. Every child needs their parents' love, time, and attention, even in situations where, like me, I wasn't treated well. And while I have grown to slowly forgive him for the things that he did that made me decide he couldn't be there in my life, and yes, I have gone on with my life, I have never gotten over missing him and the years we should have had together. I will never get those years back, and no one will ever be able to make that different now.

A lot of the time, you don't know how much you need someone until they're not there anymore, because we take people for granted, we assume they'll always be there, because just imagining a future without them hurts too much to even think about. But we love and need them even if we don't always show it.