Sorry it took me so long to thank all of you for your replies. It really helped.

I did speak with T about my fears. She already knew, but I answered a lot of my questions. I guess I was feeling pressure because she recently told me that I was taking longer than most of her clients. I have a way of twisting everything that is said to me and I heard it differently. What I don't understand about the time thing is that I've heard many people say they've been in therapy for years and years before healing takes place. But, I can't expect to be in therapy with her for that long. I go to a community agency and pay next to nothing to see her. Also, this agency specializes in sexual trauma and there is a waiting list. Maybe my time is running out.

Anyways, last session I told her I'd write as much as I could about my memories and ended up doing just that. It was painful, but maybe I'll get a pat on the back from her. I mailed it to her because I hate when she reads what I write in front of her. So now I just have to face her next week after knowing what I told her.

My motivation was that she said that some people feel a sense of relief when it's told. It hasn't happened yet (ok, so I might be a little impatient).

Otherwise, my life is crumbling around me. Time is running out and I'm pretty sure what the end of the story is gonna be.

Thanks again.