Went to work, and like always as soon as I'm walking into the building the stress, anxiety, tensing muscles, horrible pain in my head/neck/back, shaking, headache, racing thoughts, etc started. First 15 minutes were me deciding whether or not to just go home right then, followed by the next couple hours wanting desperately to leave but just not doing it. I feel guilty if I don't keep my attendance up, as if it's something to be ashamed of like I'm failing myself, so I just pushed through it until 2 hours left in the day and I couldn't take it anymore. I tried my hardest. It's not that stressful of a job, just scanning documents at a desk, but it's like all the symptoms just come over me involuntarily every time, I don't know why. At work it's the anxiety, at home its depression/lack of sleep/ptsd/stress/racing thoughts and spiraling mental state. And then the fact that none of my other problems have been getting any better through not doing anything about them (probably doesn't help my situation), that was piling on more stress causing me to fear that I'll never get better, making the anxiety worse. At one point this morning I felt like I just wanted to bang my head against the desk to whatever end, just to make my suffering stop. I felt like it finally broke me today. Lately I've felt like not a whole person anymore, like my mind has been through so much lately that I'm just fading away, I don't feel like I'm fully grounded, like half of me is just floating away, I hope that makes sense. I've been putting up such a fight, pushing myself forward each day, somehow, still going on despite no motivation, no energy to, and all the stress the anxiety and depression put me through just weighing down on me more than I can bear. I don't know what to do. I can't go on like this. I'm tired of fighting. I just feel like this illness can go ahead and take me now, be done with it. My cat is the only reason I'm still here, I can't let her down, she depends on me so I have to be strong for her and keep going. I always hold stuff in until there's no more room so that's why this probably sounds like a huge mess of problems all at once. I don't know why I put it all on myself. Nobody should have to endure all that. I need help and I don't know what to do. The useless medication my doctor put me on (Zoloft) didn't help either time I was on it and I can't even seem to stick to a medicine routine, I just give up on it, and then feel like I've given up on myself. I feel like I have nothing left in me, I'm spent. Thoughts and advice are welcome. Thank you.