Candy - Your post does such an amazing job of expressing your pain. It just aches. I have not experienced this sort of loss, but I know the pain of grief. And I recognize that pain in your post.

No one has a right to diminsh another person's grief. No one. It's yours. You own it completely. You held your son inside you for 9 months, gave birth to him, and then did what you believed was the very best thing a loving mother could do - you gave him to people who could best care for him. You were not able to care for him, so in giving him, despite that pain, you put his life above your own - something only a truly loving mother could do.

You have grieved as if there has been a death. And now suddenly, wow...there seems a glimmer of hope. It must be wonderous, and terrifying. In some way I would imagine it might be easier to keep your eyes shut to him, to block out the pain? Seeing him now, it must stir up a lot of emotions. I hope you keep posting about this. And you know, if your T is a dad, a good dad....he may understand more than you know. My former T is the most amazingly nurturing dad. Some men get it, really then do.

Please keep posting. Emmy