Yeah I think it is a very personal decision to intergrate or not. Sometimes I think that it's naturally happening on it's own anyways. So then it's how much do I want to know? So I've kind of come to the decision, yes I'll work on intergration and what happens, happens. You know nothing could be as bad as it was when the traumas happened. I know that there's going to be a lot of pain. But things have changed now. Before when everything happened there was no one for me. I suffered alone. No one hugged me or told me they loved me. Picked me up if I fell off my bike, made dinner for me or tucked me into a warm bed. I slept in the floor in a corner and hoped I would die. Now things are so very different. I have ppl around me who care about me. Hug me when I'm sad and care enough to Love me. I know I have this support to get through all this now. I just have to take the step forward.