Hi Izzy,

When I first started dealing with past sexual abuse 17 years ago, I wasn't too keen on touch myself either. It's perfectly normal when someone has been touched inappropriately.

Now I am okay with it, in fact I welcome it in certain settings. For instance I belong to AA and we do alot of hugging there. I did have someone hug me inappropriately and it triggered me - which surprised me after all the years. But the amazing thing to me was I was able to say something the next time that he did it and it hasn't happened again. Nice guy - just inappropriate, so we can still be friendly and it's not uncomfortable AND I took care of myself.

Also, my abuser was my grandfather and the only grandfather I had. In one of my AA groups there is a man who is about 74 - now he could actually be my father but I can't help but look at him as a grandfather. I told him this and told him that he was the grandfather that I have always wanted. I can't wait every week for Saturday morning to get my hugs from Charlie - he has helped me heal another piece of my past that I thought would remained scarred.

Be gentle with yourself, it takes time and there is nothing wrong with your thinking or behavior.

Tranquility