I remember being where you are. I am so sorry. I find it peaceful now that my husband has left me. It is nice not to care when he still lies to me. I am meeting people who are kind to me which is really nice. When my ex still tries to create drama I can say, I am not doing that now. Who wants to live in a dramatic sit com. I watch those on t. v. now. However, I did stay for 27 years so I am the prize fool. I didn't know I could walk away. I stayed until I had exhausted every possibility of us working. It made me stronger now because I know I can do no more. Staying until I was ready also made me learn how to communicate with my ex even when there was nothing lest between us. I do regret that I became so alone and lonely while trying to figure out how to help such a troubled person. You are going in the right direction by asking other people for help and advice and hugs.