My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We met while I was living in a different city and slowly decided to pursue a relationship. About 7 months after we met (and a few months after we were officially exclusive and calling one another boy/girlfriend) I moved to the city where he lives and works. The relationship, while sometimes slow to progress, has been a good one. Especially in the last year we have grown very close. We spend nearly every day together and are deeply involved in one another’s daily lives.

We are both Christians and virgins. We have progressed in our physical relationship but we have not had sex and had no intentions to until married. We attend church together regularly, we have dinner together most nights and we talk about our future together.

I love this man. He loves me. Our families and friends are supportive and happy for us – they just want to know why we haven’t gotten engaged yet! We’re both in our 30’s and deeply in love – so what’s with the wait?

This morning he called me and asked if he could come over to talk to me about something. While today is my day off – he should have been at the office. He came over and told me that while we were both virgins when we met he was no longer. He admitted that about a year ago he paid for sex. He has done this another 10 times in the time since. He told me that he was going to propose to me last week but this was eating him up inside. The last time he had sex with someone was three months ago. He really wanted to forget about the past and move forward/commit to me but knew he could not. He met with our pastor last week who also encouraged him to tell me.

I’m in shock. It’s been about three hours since he told me. He just left after a long three hours of crying, talking, asking questions, me yelling, etc. He says that while he does love me and wants to spend his life with me he also understands how much of a break in love/trust this is. I told him that I didn’t know what to do. I’ve never felt so betrayed, so hurt, so shocked before in my life. I love this man but I just don’t know what to do. I told him that regardless of what happens with our relationship he needs counseling (I do to) to work through this ability to lie to himself and everyone around him for so long.

Any advice would be appreciated. I’m still in shock and not sure how to process all of this and what my/his/our future holds. How can I trust him? Is it possible that he will keep his word? Is there hope for a healthy/happy/trusting relationship? Or is the writing on the wall - is it best for me to leave?