there was a little girl of 2 who felt loved and secure. she had ballet lessons, mum tought her to read from cards, christmas was magical.
a year later, she was left nextdoor one night, he was asked to babysit. she remembers him coming to her room and flashing his privates - he was the local pervert. mum new this and left her with him.
about the same time or maybe i was 3, her mum had a series of affairs and took the little girl with her. the little girl remembers hiding once in the car because the wife came home and caught them.
the little girl remembers her mum kissing her best friends father in the kitchen, the little girl opened the door and was sent to her room.

years later when the little girl was eight her mum met a psychologist and went to him to stop smoking. he was also a hypnotist. little girls dad went away a lot.
when he was away, pdoc came to the house to hypnotise her mum, then go into the little girls room. this happened often, the little girle daren't use the bathroom and used to pee on the bedroom floor and pretend to be asleep when he came in. hypnosis is a powerful thing. the little girl suffered with all sorts of problems in private places, to this day she wonders why no one ever knew.
the safe secure little girl vanished from the face of the earth. a shell was left, a mask was worn, never felt quite right in anyones company. the little girl became sad and withdrawn and introduced to many things a litte girl shouldn't be.
the little girl had to keep the secret that her mom and pdoc were having an affair. she withdrew from her dad because of this.
when the little girl reached 15 and had suffered being in the same room with her mum and abuser having sex constantly, she put a stop to it, told her mum and wasn't believed.
that's when the different problems started, hormones, lack of self esteem, no confidence, social problems.

she wished she knew how to overcome these things and leave them in the past. others could do it. a boy called it did it and is so strong. what do other people have within themselves to cope so well, others droop like autumn leaves. the little girl still lives on somewhere, the secure 2 year old and the one that vanished, looking for a way out, looking to act and feel grown up with pride and confidence.

jin