I know exactly what you are feeling. I do the same thing. I seem to be angry all the time, and if I'm not in an angry state, the slightest little thing will set me off and put me there. As far as the dying part, I'm in that boat with you sister. I've thought about dying so many times. Since I was a teenager. As a teen I even bough a bottle of sleeping pills. Frequently in my adult years I've thought about driving down the interstate in the middle of the night as fast as my car would go, then just letting go of the wheel. Lately, I'm back on the sleeping pills train of thought. But I'm all my daughter has. We've got a court order suspending her dad's visitation indefinitely, she wants nothing to do with him, she wants my bf to adopt her, but in order to do that her dad would have to give up his parental rights legally, and he'll never do that if for no other reason than to be a complete #$%#@! So she is what keeps me going...barely, and I've even come as close to looking at what it would take to emancipate her (my bf would still take care of her 110% of course) so her dad would have no rights to her.... So often lately I've just wanted to go to sleep and just not wake up. Thank God for our precious angels...our babies need us. There is nothing better than a mother's arms for boo boos, or when their sick, or their feelings are hurt. Nobody knows their child better than a mother. We can beat this bastard disease, but we can't do it alone. It's a strong, persistent, nagging disability, but if we all stick together, and stand by each others side, helping each other, we can be STRONGER, MORE persistent than it is. Keep your chin up sister. Remember, this disease does not define you.