I thought you were a male. You're a female, right?
You were abused in California? And you moved to Utah and got away from the place of abuse or were you abused in Utah, moved to California to get away from it but then for some reason had to move back to Utah? I'm a little confused.
I didn't see the posts you wrote that were edited and deleted. If it's any consolation, I've been edited and deleted and I think almost everyone here on this forum has been.
I understand your guard being up but you have to understand why PC's guard may be up in turn.
Is there a way you can describe what's happened to you without being too graphic-give the general idea-not the details. Like you can say I was raped at knife point instead of "he held a knife to my throat and then tore off my clothes..."
Graphics can really give us the willies. You may be tough enough to handle those kinds of graphics because you deal with your abuse differently.
Justice, I hope this all works itself out with your being here on PC. I'd really like to see you here, feeling comfortable and supported.