So.....
I'm assuming only people who self injure will read this because to other people, it's going to be an awful read....
I am way too old to be deliberately burning myself with matches but I am... I used to do it in my teens and early twenties on and off but then I stopped for years...
Burning myself until I blister stops me thinking about suicide ALL THE TIME and even helps me to not abuse alcohol! Not sure which is worse...... I like that it hurts. The thing is that I need to see the burns etc throughout the day! If I can make them hurt more its even better.
BUT If they're visible other people notice them and I have to make up stories about accidental oven burns, spilling boiling water etc. I HATE that!
When I burn my legs or my ankles, it's like the evidence is not there and it's not even worth doing because I don't get the relief. I'm not sure if it reminds me of the two minutes straight after where it hurts enough to distract me, or if it just reminds me of what a complete disaster I am.. Maybe both?
I have six wounds on my right arm right now and I can't really lie convincingly if I do anymore... But I'm going to need to....
My doctor knows I'm doing it but I keep them hidden so we don't have to have show and tell...
Does anyone else need to see the damage they do to themselves or am I just even more messed up than I already know?