Update:

Still no sex........ In counseling this week and now the reason is because I am speaking to here rudely/like I don't like her.

This is the third reason. 1st was that I was shutting off emotionally after sex. 2nd was that I was attacking her emotionally because I was turning everything into an argument. I am curious what the 4th will be.

This is getting out of control.

Please tell/advise me what you think about my following rant:

This relationship is starting to feel very one sided. I think it may have always been that way. I can remember a time when she found some letters from a girl that I used to have a crush on (we kissed one time I think). She was furious. She made me throw them out and wanted to know why I wanted to keep them. I didn't want to keep them, in fact I had forgotten I had them. So we threw them out and I don't care. Fast forward to Christmas 2014 I was looking for Christmas ornaments and opened a plastic bin. There were some folders and papers in it. One page was sticking out so I started to read it. It was a page from her journal from when she was younger talking about how she couldn't stop thinking about this guy she had sex with. I went through a few more pages and found a lot of references to another guy she had sex with and thought she was in love with. I stopped after about 5 pages because I didn't want to find any more and it is her business. I am confused as to why she wants to hold on to these memories though. She has always stated that she hates her past and actually told me she went through her journal and got rid of all of the past thing involving this subject and burned them to help her process the past. But she can't handle me having letters from a girl I had a crush on? Seems a bit hypocritical.

So here I am going through a depression and she has turned it into me being the enemy. I suppose I should have known this would be this way. The last time I went through a depression she had the same reaction. She has always been the type of person that gets mad at me for being upset with her. Then I always feel like I need to make her feel better, so I end up apologizing to her and everything gets better.

Last night I called her to tell her I was on my way home. She said that I sounded better. I told her that I had actually had a really hard day. She said that I was at least handling it better and that was what she cared about. I got home after having to go to the grocery store and having a real frustrating time and I am not in the best mood. I was not being mean I was just not being talkative. She then proceeded to tell me that if I didn't like her right now I should just leave until I like her again. I am tired of being the enemy. How about a hug and telling me I'm sorry you had a rough day. I am frustrated.

We are going to this counseling and it seems that the sex subject comes up a lot. She continues to get angry about this and repeatedly say that all I want is the physical act of sex. She is just a sex doll. Yet she continues to say (as well as all women I assume) that the sex between us is so different and special compared to any sex she has had before. Is this only when it convenient for her or when she wants it? If I was the one withholding she would be livid. I know because I tried that once. It did not turn out well. We are supposed to be taking steps to restore our intimate relationship but it seems that I am the only one putting in effort while she continues to say things like " if I can go a whole week without crying then maybe we can be intimate". Once again, everything on her terms.

Wow, sorry for the long post.

Should I write the relationship off as over?

I don't know if I will even be comfortable with having sex with her once she is ready, although I really want to. At this point is it even emotional for me?

We have more counseling this Sunday. I think if our intimate relationship isn't restored I may ask for a separation. Is this too extreme?

I'm tired of just being co-parents as opposed to husband and wife. I can't have any emotions other than happy and willing to do whatever it takes to please her. Or so it seems to me.

Thanks.