I am still wondering what the root of the problem is.

I feel as if you are searching for anecdotal evidence to vindicate your social awkwardness but I don't know why you have this compulsion. It seems to be a driving force for you here...

I could find tons of "proof" online that would excuse my own failings and then use that as a reason for not improving. But that would not help me get better. It would simply make me delusional.

Make sense?