Still feeling trapped under this crushing feeling of being overwhelmed by all that lies before me. There are tasks and responsibilities I've put off for months or longer that HAVE to be addressed now and I can't seem to push myself to deal with them.

I did manage to contact a therapist and leave a message about wanting to set up an appointment. I also have plans to meet a couple of girlfriends for dinner later. They are very positive-minded, energetic ladies and I think it will be good to be around them. On the flip side, I am a little annoyed with myself for accepting the invitation to go out because I know I should be dealing with the piles of paperwork that are sitting here untouched. Its like I need to be around good friends, but at the same time, I'm finding more excuses to not deal with my responsibilities. I'm always looking for ways to escape, it seems.

I'm so angry at myself for behaving this way. I hate being self-destructive when I know better and actually HAVE THE TOOLS to do what I need to do to make myself better. I remember reading somewhere that "depression is anger turned inward". Maybe part of my problem is that I don't express anger very productively. I hide behind a facade and make excuse after excuse because I'm too afraid to do the work on myself. Gah. I just wonder what it will take for me to snap out of this.