(((((((((( dps & all ))))))))))

Fear has been your life. It doesn't surprise me or anyone else how it is affecting you and those inside. I know it's hard to conquer that fear, but it takes tiny steps sometimes in order to do that. Maybe it doesn't feel as though you are making progress when taking tiny steps, but in reality, you are making progress. Any steps forward are progress regardless of how large or small they may be.

I think I understand the fear of letting out the information when you yourself don't have a clear understanding of it. How in the world could anyone else understand right? Sometimes there is understanding outside of yourself though. Those of us who love you and have been with you through the past 7 1/2 years may have an easier time of putting those pieces into place in their own minds than you have of doing it in your mind. Our minds are not filled with so much pain and fear as yours is. That's why it may be easier for us to understand sometimes. And even if we don't understand, we want to help you find your understanding of it all. We don't have to understand those things in order to support you and care about you.

It sounds to me like there may be some flooding of memories going on right now. Could that be your understanding as well? I have seen over the years that when flooding happens, it does shut you down because there is just too much for you to process at one time. Is it possible for you to let the others know that you will deal with stuff when you can and that flooding you with all this is making you and them much more fearful than you all need to be? Just a thought my friend.

You are very important to me and I love you like a sister. I an others here at PC are listening and supporting in the best way we can. You are truly not alone, even if it "feels" like you are.