((rainwind)), actually, there are a lot of people that can relate to what you are saying about your mother. In the time I have been a member here at PC, I have listened to others with similar challenges.

I think you need to express your anger about this challenge you have experienced. It's ok to be angry and express that anger, you have a right to be angry and have that anger validated too. You are right, it is not fair to any child to grow up with a mother who is so unpredictable this way, a child should not be "afraid" of their mother this way, it was not fair to you.

You absolutely have the right to "grieve" that, part of grieving is expressing the anger that you have about that child in you that did not deserve to grow up that way.

(((Gentle Comforting Hugs)))
OE