For a while I felt pressure from everyone. To stay alive because dying was wrong. But to stay alive I also needed to be worthy and that meant being normal.

It's an IMPOSSIBLE situation.

I don't believe that anymore, that I'm a freak and that I am in an impossible situation. I do believe I AM worthy. If they are worthy so am I. Just by being born I'm worthy. Yes, I'm different. But who says that is being a freak? Who says that is wrong? "They" might. But I will not have their thoughts in my head, judging myself from what THEY think. I managed to stop that and ask myself what I think. And I do think it IS OK to be different!!!

It IS OK for me to be alive! And take up space!

It is quite easy to break someone so they don't think they are worthy, and hard to build them up again. Still stands it's just words against words, and their words are not worth more than mine. Even if my perspective overall might be less popular, doesn't make it bad or wrong. There might be people who benefit from what I say.

Suicide is painful for those left behind. And you might even not know who will feel the pain, can be someone you didn't even expect. If people can avoid suicide the better. Still of course suicide is not selfish. It's not like there is a reward. It's not like hogging the biggest piece of the cake. There is no reward, there is no relief. It's not a drug that takes away the pain. You can't benefit if you are not alive!!!

Be kind to yourselves. Don't internalize words of abusers and those who do not understand. They don't own the world.