Why do things have to be the way they are? Why does life have to be this way? I am so tired of living feeling like I want to die and knowing that the people I care about want to die. It sucks. I was at work the other night, and all everyone around me is talking about is their weekend plans, and I realized I didn't have any. Suddenly, the thought just hit me, out of the blue. I don't have anyone. EVERYONE in my life has left me, they're all gone. My supposed, so-called boyfriend hasn't called in over two months. He could at least had the decency to call me and tell me that he wasn't want me anymore. I feel so worthless, hated and alone right now. I know this sounds odd because of the attack last month, but all I want right now is for someone to hold me, to WANT to hold me, and never let go. But who am I kidding? Who the hell would want to hold me? The only physical contact I've had since May was from a rapist, and as awful and nightmarish as it was, it was still physical contact. Pretty sad, isn't it? I don't care, let him come find me. I just don't care anymore. It's the most pathetic thing in the world when the only person who can bear to touch you is a rapist. I am so damn sick of this. Twenty years old and I've acomplished nothing, don't have anything to show for it. I don't want to be a failure anymore, I don't want to cry for hours every night anymore I'm so ugly and repulsive no one can stand to be near me or even hear my disgusting voice on the phone. I hate it, I hate it, I absolutely hate it! I can't handle this burden called life, it's crushing me. I'm too lonely and depressed. All I want to do is feel better again. What the hell is the matter with me?
By the way, I'm sorry to bring this site down. I try to contribute, and I try to be a good person here. I just want to help other people who are hurting. But I guess I'm not doing a very good job, since I can't even help myself.