Or falsely interpret your actions as they're happening/right after?

I have harm ocd, and it really, REALLY feels like I just tried to hurt somebody. But I know I can misinterpret my actions and remember things wrong.

I have a preoccupation with grates. I walk over them to make sure no one else will fall in, because if I don't test falling in it myself, then it's "my fault" if someone else does. I also sometimes worry that I'm trying to make other people fall in grates.

There's a HUGE grate type thing close to the outside of my building. It's not just a circular grate- it's square, and really big. I was walking towards it, when I saw someone else coming towards it. I think I had some kind of thought about her falling in it, and stepped away from it. That's the first thing I did wrong- I was willing to let her fall in but not myself? Then when I looked and saw she was walking along the edge of the grate, not on it, I remember this strange feeling of disappointment. Then (I know this sounds crazy and couldn't actually happen, but I think this is what I was trying to do in the moment.) I felt like I was tethered to her in some way, and I remember stepping away from the grate and picturing her stepping onto it to fall in.

I obviously know I don't have powers or anything like that, but I think I had a thought action fusion moment where I TRIED or WANTED my thought to kill her.

I really feel like I just tried to kill someone. Please Help?