when i was trying to leave my marriage, i felt guilty because he appeared on the surface to be such a "nice" guy. i had to compile a list of all the terrible things i had gone through with him to give me the strenght to get out so i would stop thinking about the "good". as for the abandonment, my feelings would be hurt too, but i get over it. im not diagnosing here but you mention two things, strong feelings of abandonmnet and putting people on pedestals. both are traits common to borderline. have you talked with your therapist about this?