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Feb 26, 2015, 03:16 AM
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Member Since: Dec 2010
Location: In my own world
Posts: 357
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Well, I have a confession and I'm thinking it might even be a good/positive confession. A bit of history I cycle rapidly regularly. Mostly into hypo to hyper manic, A few depression stages hit me with in a given year. Which brings be me to my needing confirmation. I have been having rapid suicidal thoughts over the past week, they sneak into my thoughts faster than I even realize they are there. But in the end I find myself thinking of the consequences should I fail. Good right? Does this mean I am "thinking" it through? Is it a dangerous path? I pretty much have a large failure rate. A few serious, had a stranger not been there at the right time and place, I would not be here typing. Bottom line, how long should I hold on that the consequences are my central thoughts? I know what happens when I give up and decide the consequences are not enough to protect me or I even find a "for sure" way that I wont have to face them. (back ground: I'm on a pretty tight leash by my support system) But how will I know when that time is coming, and when should I seek hospitalization. I'm not sure if I am truly ready for it to end, In my dreams, I have been dying and I force myself to wake up, sweating and shaking and "SCARED". When should I throw in the red flag? And are there even odds that I will know when to throw the red flag? 
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Always Keep Fighting
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