Hi rainwind, I am just checking up on you to see how you are doing. I could see that you were experiencing a cycle and at the same time trying to make it easier with alcohol. I did that myself at times because some of my cycles were painful and very confusing. I learned that the problem with that is that because alcohol is a depressant, I felt like crap the next day.

Experiencing cycles are very tiring, and it takes time to work through them and slowly learn how to be patient with them when they happen. It is very important that you slowly learn that it is ok to "feel" and "grieve" and that as you do that you will slowly make gains. So many think that "feeling" is wrong and try to find ways to "not feel", however, it really is ok to sit with these emotions and get the comfort that you have always needed.

You need to move from feeling guilty about having challenging emotions, to feeling that you have a right to these feelings, and you have a right to have them validated too. When you reach that level, it is actually easier, they are less challenging because you no longer feel guilty for having something that is "very human to have".