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I'm finding it odd that I don't feel comfortable cutting around my dogs. I don't remember this being an issue in the past with another dog I had. I think that some of it is that if I'm at home and they're awake, they stare at me. I don't want them to see what I'm doing to myself. I don't know if it is shame or what. So when I cut myself now I go out to my car and leave them in the house.

I just left work and I've parked in some random parking lot to cut. The other problem I'm having is these shallow cuts aren't doing it for me anymore. I need more to numb myself. I'd really like to take some pills to numb myself but I promised my therapist that I'd leave the pills alone. He'd rather me "cut than play with fire." I was taking a lot of pills. Of course he'd rather me just sit with my feelings but things are going so bad for me now that when I try to just sit with them my mind starts drifting towards thoughts of suicide. I suppose this is the lesser of the 3 evils.