Seeker1950:

This may be a little off-subject and quite embarrassing for me to admit, but here goes:

First off, I agree with you completely. I believe in sexual intimacy being shared between only two people in a loving relationship. Like I said earlier, hormones and just experiencing life in general as a teenager/young adult can have you trying things that you may even enjoy a lot at the time, but as we mature.....most of us settle down and would like to grow old with just that one person. My "learning about life" was when I was a teenager......a long time ago when the dinasaurs roamed the earth!

I was married for 12 years and we had two children together. But I *finally* FINALLY got on a plane with the kids (actually 4 planes altogether!) and got away from him because he was very abusive. And I received FULL custody of both the children in the Family Courts. We started life all over again with 2 suitcases and a carry-on full of diapers and toys.

At first I dated a bit, but I found out in a very short time that all guys wanted was SEX. It happened over and over. I'd have someone over just to visit and chat and get to know each other, and they always thought they were getting sex. Well, they didn't! One guy was so aggressive that I thought I was going to be raped right in my own hallway because he was tearing at my pants so roughly. But he was drunk, and I was able to get him off me. And even the guys who seemed really nice and turned out not to be aggressive would come over to me while we're watching tv and say, "Let's go back to your bedroom." The whole thing just disgusted me. When I was married, I was used to having the guys around, you know? There were always guys at our house it seemed, sometimes with their girlfriends and sometimes not. But we were all friends. I could touch them (like have my hand on their leg when I'm talking to them about something) or shake them and give them a big hug when they said something so silly that you just had to laugh. I felt extremely safe around the guys. I guess married life gives you that protection.

So when I came to Canada, I found out quickly that you do not touch a guy's knee, even very slightly, because that means you want to bed him. I learned very quickly to stop being touchy/feely, and that was rather sad. I like to touch. It's just my form of a friendly gesture.

And now the big bad secret that I *know* I don't have to share with an incredible amount of strangers, but what does it matter? It has no real meaning to you....just a post within a thread....and it will soon be all forgotten anyways. But after all my lovely experiences as a single mum, I quit inviting guys over to socialize. And I haven't had sex in over 10 years. Yup!! My choice, but it's been over 10 years because I was soooooo turned off by how the males treated the females. And I never even looked to see if anyone attracted my attention. I just shut it all down. Lonely as heck, but I do not like the silly games that boys play. It has made for a very lonely time, BUT.....I'd rather be lonely than chased all the time.

I met a guy about 3 years ago in one of the Yahoo Groups that we rather clicked for some reason. I really don't know why. We rarely "talked" to each other. But we'd crack jokes or tease the other person. We just seemed to have the same type of humor. Well, not too long ago I got triggered over something and I couldn't find anyone to talk with. He happened to be online. And he stayed with me online all day when he was at work, and then when he got home, he stayed online with me until I felt okay to go to bed. He never left me, and he never brought up anything sexual. We just talked and he comforted me.

So, ending of long story: Liking each other. Always emailing and calling on the phone. Even tried the cyber-sex, which was fun but VERY frustrating. Lol. And since then, we've done phone-sex once (which was out of this world). I remembered how I used to feel, but I didn't remember what the actual sensations had felt like. He woke them up again. I just wish he lived a little closer, you know. I guess you could say that, even with 2 children, I've been a virgin for over 10 years! LOL.

Anyways, yes seeker1950, I agree with you completely. A loving relationship with one faithful, loving partner. I'm just saying that we don't always feel that way when we're younger and I was curious to see how many had done things like me.

God bless,
Sandy