i am sorry that you didnt have the mother you wanted. so many of us understand where you are at. i had horrible parents and wondered these same things. but then i just accepted that they were defective and incapable of providing me what i needed. how can i blame them for giving me something they had no power or knowledge to give? so i cant. so while i dont forgive because i am angry, i just have nothing to do with them. my choice was not to grace them with all that is special about me, their loss. i have let them go. i dont dwell on them or what they did any longer. they have no power over me any longer. take care.