This might get confusing, so M=original facilitator and K=new facilitator.

When I went for my assessment, K was the therapist. I asked her (my T advised me to) if she would be a point of contact at county so I would have more support. She agreed to. She even said she would often stop by to check in on me. Well, M quit. On the 4th week, K took over the group. I think this is why my T thought K would provide me with a little bit of additional support. But I guess the boundaries changed when K took over the group? K told me that if I even have problems with the boundaries with her, I need to process that with my T, not her.

She said that the only way the county can provide me with more support is if I want to join more groups...

I also asked K if she would coordinate material in the actual DBT workbook with group since I'm not learning anything from this overly modified material. She said that I'm smart enough to follow the workbook on my own. She thinks that I just want someone to direct me and that's an issue of mine that I need to deal with with my T.

So now, the only benefit of this group is getting me out of the house and challenging me to talk to people. But there is no real socialization to promote relating to others because the material they do use is so condensed.

I don't know. I just HATE county now. Well, I already did, but I tried to give them a second chance. I was actually considering staying with county a little longer if they would help with additional guidance/material for DBT, but now I can't wait to leave this hell hole.

Maybe, logically, this isn't about me. But it does affect me greatly. I gave up a lot to be a part of their program. I have struggled, telling nyself this was for the greater good and would help me achieve my goals. But this program is a pathetic excuse to make the county look like they offer current mental health treatments.

Oh! And K was asking what adequate support would look like for me and I included things like college, professors, acquaintances, and friends. She response "Good! Your goal should be to not depend on the mental health world" [paraphrased]. Duh! But my T wants me to have specific mental health support since I do suffer from mental illness.

I feel like a rag doll being tossed around. It just empathizes that I don't belong anywhere in this world. I'm not even that severe of a case, and yet somehow I'm too much. How is that even possible?

I just am really really hurting right now. I so want to "throw in the towel". I want to scream at people so then maybe they will hear me. Maybe it's not literally rejection or abandonment, but it feels that way. That is my main trigger, my main issue, and it keeps getting hit. Yet I'm supposed to be able to survive this all w/o any relapses/hiccups? Why? Just because I'm smart? Doesn't matter a person's level of intelligence, mental illness can affect anyone. And many peolle who aren't trained or experienced in the mental health field can't provide the level of support needed during difficult times. So because I'm struggling, I needed a "higher level of care" just for support? Really? I need to go to the hospital or crisis house to get a little more support? It's bs. This is all bs. If I'm considered on some level high functioning, how the hell do the lower functioning get the support they need?

Well, I didn't get my T's permission to skip out on group, so now I must go drag myself to be somewhere I have no desire being and seeing someone I have no desire to see...and keep my mouth shut because no one has time or energy for me. I hate my life...