Hi Confused. I'm so glad you're getting your own apartment!

I'm female and in my early 50s and have always had issues with my mother, although probably not as intense as yours.

As I've gotten older, I've gradually gained some ability to step back and look at my mother's problems and empathize with them some. I was never, ever able to do that when I was in my 20s. My feelings were too strong and painful.

Even so, I have had to limit the time spent with my mother to avoid emotional distress. It's the same for my sister. We have both gone to psychotherapy about this.

You sound like you're making an excellent start on healing this part of your life. I've always found that the happier and stronger I feel, the better I can deal with my mother.