Mary Alice,

I don't know what to say to you, except to tell you that I hear you and feel for you. I'm glad that you called your therapist, and I hope that things will get better for you.

Living with physical pain colors the way you perceive everything. The closest experience that I have that is remotely like that is having a tooth ache that lasted for a few months before I would go to the dentist. The misery from that and from being cold all the time (it was winter and our heater wasn't working) combined with not having the money to fix all the problems definitely contributed to my depression. If your pain could be taken away your outlook would improve immensely.

Disability turns everyone down, and if you have been turned down twice that is a sign that you are close to getting it. Keep after them - they would like you to give up and then they wouldn't have to pay you, but they do that to everyone. It's rotten, but they do.

Your family needs you more because they love their mother and wife, not just for your ability to bring home a paycheck. You are worth more to them than anything they possess.

Here's something my therapist sent to me several months ago:
(that's not in reply to even though it says it is, but I wanted to mark it as a quote)
<blockquote><font size=1>In reply to:</font><hr>

Think about this . . . You may not believe it, but it's 100% true
>
>1. At least 2 people in this world love you so much they would die for you!
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>2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
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>3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
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>4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
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>5. Every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep.
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>6. You mean the world to someone.
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>7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
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>8. You are special and unique.
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>9. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you.
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>10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
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>11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take another look, you most likely turned your back on the world.
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>12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it. But if you believe in yourself, sooner or later you may get exactly what you want.
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>13. Always remember the compliments you receive, forget about the rude remarks.
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>14. Always tell someone how you feel about them, you'll feel much better when they know.
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>15. If you have a great friend, take time to let them know that they are great.

<hr></blockquote>

It helped me, and I hope it will you also.

(((((((((((((((Mary Alice))))))))))))))))))

Sending well wishes your way,
Wendy

<font color=purple>"You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try."</font color=purple>