If she had just returned from a sudden trip, it could have been to see a sick relative or friend or for a funeral, which would explain the sadness. And she was likely tired if she had just been traveling. It's probably personal stuff and not about you.
One thing my T has talked about is if you expect someone to feel a certain way (frustrated by you), then you may assume they're feeling that way, even if they aren't. It's called projecting. You might interpret her looking tired or her frustration as being about you, even if they have nothing to do with you. (Not sure how much sense that made--I'm not quite awake yet.)
You could bring that up next session, say you had trouble bringing things up that you wanted to. You could mention that she seemed sad, tired, then, later, frustrated, and see what she says. And say that you're scared of screwing up therapy--I'm sure you're not the first of her patients to worry about that! But definitely address it--don't just assume her feelings toward you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisWayOut
Thank you both.
The more time I've had to think about it, the more I'm confused by t's reaction to the session. The week before I had been able to admit to not really trusting being able to open up yet; that I wanted to, but fear kept me from being able to say anything. that session ended with me wanting to run from the office, though I wasn't quite sure why. I had intended to talk to her about it yesterday, but she had just returned from a sudden trip (no idea what she left for), and she looked like she was going to cry as she took me back. That triggered a need to walk on eggshells around her, so much so that I couldn't even ask if my interpretation of her was correct. So I couldn't ask or say much of anything in session.
This morning, I'm thinking her assessment was unfair. We had talked about coping this week. I realized I hadn't used any negative coping skills at all despite being really triggered. I don't think she heard that (or registered it) because she went on to say that I was looking and coping worse as therapy progressed... um? No. Except I didn't know how to be assertive around that in the moment.
on the one hand she says she sees me "trying" yet she doesn't acknowledge any actual progress...
I dunno. I'm hoping whatever she was out for the entire week between sessions threw her off and made them worse. I'm hoping this isn't going to be how I totally screw up another therapy relationship.  |