For me it's hard to love also bc I'm always battling my own mind and mania and deep depression and when I did try and love I was never noticed by my husband.. And he was getting tired of seeing me go back and forth he didn't know what to do.. It hurts me more that I am bipolar and constantly having mood swings and depression and such and knowing that he has to see me this wAy sometimes I think it's better for me to be alone you know so I don't hurt anyone or they don't have to worry about me. But it's nice to be loved knowing Someone could actually love me and be there for me it means more bc who the heck would stay with someone who is so unstable idk I would just focus on yourself for now if it's meant to be it will happen I am focusing on myself right now I need to be stable first before I can be the best wife and mom. I hope things get better for you! Thinking of you!