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Old Feb 27, 2015, 02:13 PM
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vital vital is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Oct 2014
Location: Boston
Posts: 1,589
Quote:
Originally Posted by carwrecked View Post
My demolition derby life! I need a break! Really, just a kind word of encouragement would be appreciated.
Everyday normal (whatever that is) life can be difficult enough with its ups and downs. But I have had the pleasure of many days when the balance of highs and lows rested somewhere between the mania-induced stress high and the just-before-the-backhoe-covers-the-casket lows of depression. I truly do prefer the median.
Just like a car in a demolition derby, I am so banged and damaged: my engine cover is up and crumpled, making clear forward vision nearly impossible; the trunk lid is accordion-folded from efforts to extricate myself from errors in judgment; my fenders hang by a bolt threads having been repeatedly dented and dinged by drivers wanting to win the race; my tires are punctured and going flat. Still moving, but I’m running out of gas. The field is so dusty, I cannot see which way to turn and fear every turn will be the wrong one.
The remaining baggage from my family of origin is a burden still too heavy to carry, though I make continuous efforts to unpack it and leave it behind me. The daily emotional rollercoaster of my failed 24 year marriage creates a self-induced tug-of-war in which I am engaged as I am trying to determine the best course of action for myself and my 9 year old daughter. The dread of becoming a single parent again at 63 fills me with doubt and fear. Recently disabled and unable to be financially independent my skin crawls with anxiety at the thought of counting on my soon-to-be selfish and stingy ex-husband. And the now-verified discovery of previously held suspicions regarding the neglect and abuse of my older, also-disabled sister by her own daughter has me in an additional dilemma. I don’t eat right, don’t get enough sleep and am completely without emotional support. I am over-stressed, suffering in the midst of an extended and severe depressive period with no relief in near sight. I am overwhelmed in the midst of my own confusion of my problems, yet am compelled to extend a helping hand to my sister. We have no one else but each other.
I just need a week alone to think things through, make some decisions for myself to help myself and my daughter so I’ll be able to offer responsible assistance to my sister. Thanks for letting me tell you. Please send thoughtful, good wishes our way whether or not you respond in writing to this post.


http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

- vital