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Here is an excerpt of what I started writing. I do not know where I am going with it but it would be great to hear others stories and how they handled their symptoms and situation.
I heard this statement used as something funny to say when a person overreacts reacts or reacts unexpectedly to a situation. There is truth in that statement because if you were nurtured, comforted when scared, hugged instead of hit, talked to instead of yelled at, on a regular basis, well then, those word would not be directed at you.
Lets explore a couple situations where the nurtured and the unnurtured might react and think differently.
Getting called into the bosses, supervisors office or someone says they need to talk to you:
Who here automatically thinks they have done something wrong( even though you have searched the corners of your mind for any memory of wrongdoing no matter how slight it is and there is nothing)? Perceives this as a threat? Thinks they are going to be scolded, yelled at or even fired! What emotions are going along with that? Dread, doom, panic, overwhelming need to flee. Any physical feelings happening? Pit in your stomach, heaviness in your chest, anxiety feeling in your throat, hands shaking. Did you already rethink your life and start to envision having to find a new job. You might end up being angry, defensive, or withdrawn. This is because you perceive the other person to be a threat
Did anyone think they were going to be praised for their participation on a project or perhaps just given some constructive criticism on a situation or just being asked to take on a new task or project? All well adjusted normal thoughts.
Which one above would you apply this statement? “What’s a matter with you!? Did your mother not hug you enough as a child?
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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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