I'm sorry you are feeling so bad at this moment. I have sometimes felt like that. As nothing, unhelpful, noone who decerves anything. That makes me avoid any kind of events with people and hide myself at home, in my room or in my office.

I soon learnt that I didn't fit in anywhere. With my therapy I learnt to see myself in a different way and I left behind the most part of my fears. I didn't call it being bad treated.
So, perhaps I'm not an avoidant but I neither see myself strong borderline as you say.

Have you ever met a true borderline who is untreated?
I have. She sent me all kind of awful letters, phoned me and said false things about me. Sent letters to my parents talking bad about my mum.

You don't know me at all, Ckd2, I would never be able to do such an horrible thing. I never caused me physical harm or need to do it.

My kids are safe with me. They love being with me. I would never do something to hurt them.

Can I read properly people? No. I use to had difficulties in seeing the whole picture but it's now when I'm taking the time to do it.
It's true that I need reassurance when I'm having moré contact with someone bc if I feel rejection, I take the relation in another way. This is what I do now. I used to avoid it, but not now.
Life is a give and take and I'm not ready to be an idiot and give, give and give.