Today I called up my daughter's therapist and wanted to speak to her about some really bad stresses at home right now that are affecting my daughter, who is 13 years old. I wanted to give her a heads up that my daughter may be going through some hard times now and in the near future too. My husband also wanted me to mention some behavioral issues to her, which I wasn't too keen on, but thought I would scope out the potential for what to share in this regard with the therapist in the context of the main conversation.

So I call the therapist and first off, she reminds me that she has a confidentiality agreement with my daughter. I had not forgotten that. I wasn't going to ask her for any information on what passes between them during their sessions. I had hoped to share information with her rather than the other way around. She continued that she felt she couldn't talk to me without my daughter's permission (unless it was about self-harm) as then it would be like there was this secret thing going on behind my daughter's back and that would impede the development of their relationship and be a breach of trust. She said if I talked to her without my daughter's permission, she would be unable to acknowledge her knowledge of what we discussed when she was in session with my daughter. (So I felt like, why bother then?) She knows I am in therapy myself, and she asked how I would feel if someone called my T to talk about me without my knowing it? My daughter and her T have only had 10 sessions and the T says their bond is very fragile and delicate right now and needs to be nurtured.

So, at the T's suggestion and as a way out of this dilemma, I have agreed to mention to my daughter that I would like to talk with her T, and then the T and my daughter would explore that in their next session. If all went well, I would then be able to talk with the T. However, the T said I had to tell my daughter what it was I wanted to discuss with her. And that is impossible. The whole point is that this impending thing is looming for my daughter and she doesn't know yet, and she will be made aware of it at the right time, which my own therapist says is not yet. Meanwhile, it's a hard time in the family and it's affecting my daughter. So we agreed that I would tell my daughter I wanted to speak to her therapist but be kind of vague about exactly what.

This is all seeming so complicated!!! I know the therapeutic relationship is a special one, but I'm just feeling like wow, I really want to do the best for my daughter and take care of her, but all these restrictions are making it hard for me. I think if I wasn't in a therapeutic relationship myself, I would have little patience for this. But I am, so I kind of get it, but another part of me, the momma grizzly bear part (don't get between me and my cubs!), just wants to be free to tell the T the problems without jumping through all these hoops first.

Any other parents out there who had their kids in therapy? Did you ever run into anything like this when you tried to talk to the T?