Just got back from relaxation class..

It made me realize how bad my obsessional OCD based paranoia is.. I feel anxious.. I'm afraid if my OCD will get worse and it is when changing meds.

I don't want to confront my OCD. In fear that it will get worse.

"The water is cold", "someone's going to kill me while I'm trying to relax", and other thoughts ruminated in my head the whole time when I was supposed to be on the beach in warm water.

The others found it hard too.

I need practice but I can't focus. It requires focus which is why I would use high dose (100mg) of ritalin to get into a psychosis that is safe where the thoughts come out. I once added to a religion I've made in semi psychosis.

People with OCD created most religions I think. Like I remember having to say Hail Mary prayer 10 times a day over and over.

Not one person stopped to think, "This is irrational".

The complexity my illness.. Slap on 80mg Prozac and pretend I'm fine, deny every time I do a compulsion. I did no compulsions. I'm my head. I'm not obsessed I'm not obsessed I'm not obsessed..