Thank you all -
After your responses I did find the courage to tell my husband (my biggest supporter and we have good communication skills for my bipolar). He wants to take me in, but I'v made a promise that should my thoughts get worse or if my thoughts start to change: consequences become less important OR I start finding myself thinking of ways to get "around the consequences". I will tell him immediately .His trust in me is soo important to me, I don't want to EVERY willing loose that. I'm on a very tight leash now..which is a small price to pay compared to being admitted. So far the thoughts are still there but I have now been able to find more and more things to distract myself. My husband has been very faithful in making sure my medications are taken regularly and he talks to me several times a day on where I am. I have a "body guard" now which helps with distracting myself. (I'm not left alone). I haven't told my pdoc or T because I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be leaving the office by choice. I have made sure the crisis number is on speed dial on our phones. Thank you for supporting me, it almost feels better that I have "told" someone, instead of keeping it locked away.

~ Becoming; what website (besides here) are you talking about?