Oh my gosh, after your last post, I just realized its a dissociative state, not regression. He had told me I use dissociation as a safe way to express love and affection. I never gave it much thought, as when I try to comprehend this, I feel a sensation that my ego is going to 'crumble'.

It also explains why I contradicted myself about being serious vs playful. It was as serious as would be from the mindset of a 4-5 year old.

I have strong needs and fantasied related to parent him, but also teach him how to parent me, which was the source/motivation for the neutral discussion.

FKM, you always get me thinking.

I've slept only 8 hours since Monday. I'm such a mess. I really am so disorded. Its surprising a therapist could even stand by me this long.

But that's the motivation-recapturing and being able to exist, live in a state that was previously 'killed off'.