Is she in Therapy? DBT classes? Is she taking responsibility of herself and working to keep her bpd in check. Do you have a good understanding what bpd is and how this will indeed be a problem at times through out your marriage?

If a person mental illness or not is feeling depressed no amount of jokes or humor is going to change it on a dime.

Maybe shes depressed she's not seeing much of you. 70 hours a week is a lot of time apart from her. Could be shes just feeling insecure?

Welcome to PC