I can definitely understand that feeling youre describing. It hurts down to your bones. I spend more than half of my time alone and you wouldnt believe the thoughts that run through my head. Im scared that i will always end up alone and that is the scariest thought ever. Ive thought about trying to make myself volunteer parttime or something similar but i never can make myself do it. I have no family and 1 friend and my boyfriend as a support system. I feel like he wants to leave me as my bpd and ptsd symptoms on top of severe depression make me isolate. I try not to think about it because id be totally lost. Have you considered getting a pet? I got a puppy a couple years back and she makes all the difference. I am never truly alone. 😀 I wish you all the best.