Thank you all, i guess i really needed to hear it from someone else.

the shame is that it wasnt like this when we were friends or at the beginning of the relationship. i did feel (mild) attraction and desire to be with him. it all changed when he started to become (too) needy and giving me too much responsibility for his happiness. being needed scares and repluses me. i hate it with all my soul (because of past negative experiences).

we did talk about his neediness scaring me and pushing me away, i tried to make him see he could suffer from love addiction but he said he is happy and proud of being needy. eww

i was wondering if theres a way i can go back to feeling like i did before. now, when i put on the mask, i can enjoy intimacy pretty much but i have to wear the mask before. does "fake it till you feel it" really work? im not sure im really ready to give up.
Thanks