Self help.

I take vitamins...when i remember like one should do. I believe that helps. Well, my body needs it.

Sleep: i have been having problems but i don't go crazy about it anymore. I do feel real bad when i get knocked out around 7pm then wake up all through the night after 2am. But i don't have the anxiety feeling. And i don't feel desperate to connect to people at those hours. Sure, sometimes it comes back but it isn't so bad now. I just decide to accept this is how i am sleeping now. It is going to change later. But for now i accept there is a reason i am up at these hours like maybe my mind needs the quiet of those late hours...and that i need to be awake to listen to the quiet.

Exercise: i really hate to exercise. I walk around the block mostly. I need to get back to yoga from video. It's more breathing yoga. Everyone tells me to exercise to feel better. I have done this most of my life as my father used to teach exercise. It never helped me feel better. I used to walk a lot outside. It helps some people, but i am not sure it helps me. Sometimes i feel like when i am walking outside that i am running away from my problem. I mean people tells me how much it helps them.

Meditation: this one i try to do every day as i believe it is my cure. Sometimes i fall asleep on this. But a lot of times it helps to quiet the mind. But sometimes when you are feeling real bad, it is a hard thing to do. But there are research out there and i am believing the research because i want to live a happy life.

Spiritual: i try to pray but not as much. But being connected to something bigger than you helps when you are suffering. I learned that if it cause you pain, then it's not right for you. You need to find one that works for you. I light a candle and pray to get over my pain.

Friends: i always had friend problem since my childhood. Friendship means a lot to me than other people. But then i might have had the wrong people. I am learning to let go. This one is the hardest for me. I need to let in good people into my life. This part is hard. Though it might be the easiest of all the things i am going through. I have reached out to a lot of people. And a lot of people have left me. And some people have been supportive. It is mostly long distance and email thing. But reaching out, you really get to know people in different ways.

This forum and hotlines help a lot this year for me. It really help me keep myself together.

Gratitude list. I do it somewhere here once in a while. I do it in my head. I have a friend who works very early and we do it in the week mornings. Very short but i think it helps us. I originally did it with a different friend and it really helped us and we got closer from it. In beginning it was very hard thing to do. I ended up being grateful for bed as i didn't have a real bed for few years.

New thing is to wake up and say "it's going to be a wonderful day". This was soooooo hard thing to do. I did it as tinyhabit project that someone recommended here in the forum. It was a good project for a week. And it did feel good that someone checked up on me. So that was very hard thing to say. But now i feel okay saying it. I even look forward to saying it. Day could be horrible but i say it to cheer myself up and maybe the day will change. I think it kind of helps.

Another thing from tinyhabit is to kind of praise yourself after doing your new tiny habit. Inside i kind of do it for other things i do. Maybe finish a project and then pat myself on the back or look in mirror and say "yahoo!" ...something silly like that. I mean i used to pat myself in the back when i was feeling better and it kind of was natural when you did succeed in something. So now instead of major things, it's minor things that you get done you praise yourself.

I used to say "this too shall pass" bit i don't say it much these days. It seems to be better to be grateful.

I also am trying real hard to visualize a better future. When it gets real bad, i try to see my dog and that we will be together. Before, it used to hurt me to visualize my future because i couldn't see it happening. Everything i tried failed. It was just painful to do an exercise like that. I still don't know how it is going to happen. I just am going to believe. I think i might need to set a time to just visualize my new futures. Coming up with stuff is very hard although as i write this, it should be easy as i need all aspects of my life to be better.

I realized that this might not be helpful list of how to. I will try refine this and hopefully, i will help others.