I'm sorry that you are struggling. And its absolutely horrible that your bf reacted the way he did. Most people don't understand the struggle with SH and don't understand that it is very much a mental addiction and once locked in, its hard to stop. Don't think of this slip up as you failing. You did not. You experienced a weak moment and all you can do is start over and try to evade the action next time. ((hugs)) Hope you are okay.